For this post, I’m logging the kids’ interruptions (1 – Older implied younger was a geek. He is. They both are, but younger doesn’t want to be called that) in real time (2 -Younger sticks duct tape in older’s hair. At older’s request.) during a single blogging session. Good luck reading this (3-Younger brings kitten to me, asking a question the kitten has.).
Sometimes my most burning question (4-Younger complains about his brother’s answer to a simple question he asked.) is whether I’ll ever be able to carry a thought longer than 20 seconds long while the boys are in the house (5-“Mom, did you notice the present under the tree?” asks older), not including any time they spend playing computer games or sleeping. I worry if my older’s ADD is contagious, and I wonder if I’ve caught it.
I’d like to say I’m reassured by my longer periods of concentration when they’re not here, that I notice an ability to sit for hours, writing, reading, or just thinking. I’d be lying, however. (6- “He won’t accept a free wedgie, Mom! It’s only five dollars!” my younger illogically notifies me.) Even when alone, I have trouble settling into the quiet needed to allow myself submersion into a thoughtful activity. I may write a paragraph or two only to urgently need to find a snack, warm my coffee, check on the kittens, or move the laundry. (7- Some nonsensical notification of the pain of “Korean burns” from my younger. I have no idea.) (8-Ditto number seven, but now “Canadian burns”.) I’m seriously concerned that I’ll never focus again.
My meditation attempts are at least as scattered as my other stabs at prolonged attention (read: longer than 43 seconds). I try but generally find my mind wandering off, a few breaths into the process. Gently, I bring it back, but the wanderings far outnumber the breaths spent in quietude. It’s worse than monkey mind. It’s two-kids-at-home mind. Yikes. (9- More weird comments from younger — seems I’m a “momafant.” I don’t know, and I’m not asking.) (10- Broken icemaker triggered by older — stern reminder from mom to leave it alone.) Now where was I?